I'm sorry my penis didn't work
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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