Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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