If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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