Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
