I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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