Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
