you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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