She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
