you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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