sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
