so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
