i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
