im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
