Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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