Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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