You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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