her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
youre lurking in front of me
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
