after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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