he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
