Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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