please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
