if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
