Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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