soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
