Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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