I want to walk on stilts...naked
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize