so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
