She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
