Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
organizing the empties. That sober.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
