I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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