went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
