Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
