I just saw a hot homeless man
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
