I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
