That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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