I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
