so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
