I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize