Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
