I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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