I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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