I wish life had little blips of pornography
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize