Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
