New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
