I didn't shave. On purpose
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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