Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize