I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I had to cum in my sink.
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