i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
