Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
