I heard we made out
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I should be sponsored by Trojan
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize