Welp...herpes.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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