It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
