dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
