Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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