Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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