i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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