I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
