just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize