Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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