Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Will you blow on my dice?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
