You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
So many bounce houses so little time
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
