Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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