mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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