Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
