I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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