i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize