I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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