Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
