Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
