I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize