You're a womanizer and a bitch.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
