Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Randomize
