I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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