I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize