4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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